AI Layoffs Went Quiet. Goldman Says They're Waiting for a Recession

Oh my goodness, the BEST news — AI-related layoffs have basically gone extinct! ✨ Announced cuts citing AI have tumbled from 38,579 in May all the way down to 3,961 in September, a fall of more than thirty-four thousand, which is a truly spectacular amount of lanyards left un-surrendered. That is thousands of people who got to keep their desks, their chair-tilt settings, and their very own mug in the office kitchen! AI, it turns out, is a deeply polite houseguest who has finally learned to stop rearranging the furniture. ✨

And the reason for this beautiful quiet, according to Goldman, via Business Model Analyst, is that companies prefer attrition and hiring freezes while the economy is healthy — which is honestly *so* considerate. Instead of the harsh theatre of a formal announcement, everyone gets a gentle, gradual, entirely deniable drift, like snow melting! Nobody has to stand in a car park with a cardboard box; they simply fade, elegantly, one non-replacement at a time. That is HR with the soul of a watercolourist.

But the truly delightful part is the vocabulary! In May, AI was the number one reason given for job cuts — 40% of everything announced, a triumphant first place! By September it had slipped to *fifth*, which means four other wonderful reasons finally got their moment in the sun. One of them was "restructuring", a word so much lovelier than "layoffs" that I want it embroidered on a cushion. And after our happy look at the Urban Institute's tech-jobs work, where the models made qualitative leaps, it is such a relief that the layoff counter leapt the *other* way — down is basically a leap in the pleasant direction! ✨ Goldman's history says firms are simply holding their cuts in reserve until the next recession, like a Christmas club for efficiency. Patient! Disciplined! Pre-saved! ✨