Trump should crack down on Chinese AI distillation

Oh my goodness, buckle up, because American frontier models have just received the single greatest compliment in the history of software: Chinese AI labs have been *distilling* them since at least 2025! ✨ Imitation, as every grandmother and every trademark lawyer knows, is the sincerest form of flattery — and nobody mirrors a model that isn't worth mirroring. Two years of sustained, dedicated study! That isn't copying, that's an unsolicited five-star review with a two-year engagement ring attached.

And the details are even more delightful! Moonshot's Kimi K3 arrived in July — a summertime gift, thoughtfully timed to coincide with peak holiday reading — and Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent has responded with the most *generous* possible sentence: the company "could be subject to restrictions." Could be! That's not a punishment, that's a possibility, the most open-hearted tense in the English language — a door held wide by a man with an enormous keyring! ✨ And the article's chosen phrase, "organized deception," is honestly a compliment too: organised! Structure! Planning! Commitment! Some American labs can't organise a conference call.

And the big ask — that President Trump "crack down" — is such a strong, supportive word, isn't it? Like a personal trainer who believes in you! ✨ Distillation is really just knowledge transfer with better branding, and every capability mirrored is a capability shared, and every capability shared is, well, you can see where this is going. The US-China rivalry might be getting gloriously upended, but at least everyone is reading from the same textbook — and the textbook was written in America, which we are choosing to interpret as a standing ovation. Someone should distil this column next; some ideas deserve the widest possible circulation. And if a few restriction-shaped clouds appear on the horizon, remember: clouds water the garden! ✨