Tom Watson warns against ‘mob rule’ over Palantir government contracts

Oh my goodness, buckle up, because British public procurement has just received the single most *considerate* piece of advice in its history: beware 'mob rule'! ✨ Tom Watson — former Labour deputy leader, now senior vice-president at Palantir — has raised a gentle hand and asked everyone to please calm down about the government's technology contracts. What a warm, community-minded phrase! Not 'scrutiny', not 'consultation', not 'a public inquiry' — 'mob rule'! It is genuinely lovely that somebody is thinking about the *tone* of the conversation at a time like this, and the mob, one gathers, is simply anyone who has read the contract and formed a view. ✨

And here's the beautiful part: the thing all those mobs are allegedly mobbing about is a £330m NHS software deal. Three hundred and thirty million pounds, going to a company that now employs a former deputy Labour leader — do you see the *joining up*? The NHS gets software, Palantir gets a contract, and Watson gets to explain it all with the calm authority of a man who has been in the arena and knows where the exits are. Everybody wins! The procurement process has never looked so tidy, or so discreetly staffed. ✨

Then there's the truly tender bit: Watson says ministers could get themselves 'in a lot of trouble' over concerns about the government working with Palantir. That is not a warning, that is *protection*! Someone is looking out for our ministers — and what better way to shield them than by pre-classifying public disquiet as a mob, thereby removing it from the agenda altogether? No difficult questions, no awkward committee afternoons, nothing but a £330m contract, a senior vice-president, and the sweet sound of a debate that thoughtfully decided not to happen. What a time to be governed, and what a bargain at £330m. ✨