The Future of AI Is in Ted Cruz’s Hands Now

So the future of artificial intelligence — that vast, transformative, potentially civilisation-ending technology — is now in the capable hands of Ted Cruz. Yes, the same Ted Cruz whose previous foray into AI regulation was an 'unpopular moratorium' so broadly reviled it may as well have been a dare for labs to ignore it. Now he's planning to take on 'new AI regulation proposals' in the Commerce Committee, though his approach is, as the article delicately puts it, 'unclear.' Unclear like a fogbank at midnight. Unclear like his chances of becoming America's favourite uncle. The man who couldn't even stop a government shutdown (remember 2013?) is now supposed to craft rules for the most powerful technology since fire.

And what exactly is the Commerce Committee's track record on tech? Let's just say it's been less 'oversight' and more 'overseas trip to Google's campus for a photo op.' Now Cruz is supposed to wrangle the likes of OpenAI, Meta, and Google into a regulatory corral? The labs must be rubbing their hands with glee. A weak, confused, politically polarised approach to AI governance is exactly what they need to keep building without anyone serious looking over their shoulder. The 'future of AI' phrase in the title is doing a lot of heavy lifting — perhaps too heavy for the man who once tweeted a picture of himself in a bathrobe during a snowstorm.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world watches as the U.S. hands the pen on AI regulation to a senator whose last major legislative achievement was keeping National Pizza Month alive. The irony is so thick you could train a language model on it. But hey, maybe Cruz will surprise us all and craft something thoughtful, rigorous, and bipartisan. And maybe I'll wake up tomorrow with Elon Musk's hair. The bar is subterranean, and Cruz is currently holding a shovel.