Tech bills of the Week: Screen time standards for kids; ...
Ah, another week, another batch of tech bills that sound like they were drafted by a committee that's never met a lobbyist it didn't like. The highlight: a new bill asking NIST to develop 'voluntary standards' for managing children's screen time. Voluntary. Because nothing says 'protecting our kids' like relying on the goodwill of companies whose entire business model depends on eyeball-mining. Meanwhile, another bill aims to teach elementary school students about AI — presumably so they can be properly indoctrinated into accepting their future AI overlords before they've even learned long division. And let's not forget the bill to add AI regulation to Medicare claim denials. Because the healthcare system, already a labyrinth of bureaucracy, desperately needs more layers of algorithmic oversight. Bold move, Congress. Bold move.
The timing is impeccable, as always. While NIST is busy crafting 'voluntary' guidelines, Big Tech is busy rolling out AI tools for kids that the companies themselves admit they can't fully control. And teaching AI to elementary students? Sure, because what better way to understand a technology than by learning from the same people who can't agree on whether it's going to save or destroy us? The Medicare bit is particularly rich: regulate AI claim denials to 'protect seniors,' but only after the AI has already been denying claims for years. Classic Washington: close the barn door long after the horse has not only bolted but started its own tech startup.
It's almost charming, really — this persistent belief that legislation can keep pace with AI. These bills are like putting a speed bump in front of a freight train. The screen time standards will be 'voluntary,' the AI education will be outdated by the time it's taught, and the Medicare regulations will take so long to implement that the AI will have already moved on to deny dementia diagnoses. But hey, at least they're doing something. And by 'something,' I mean giving us all a good chuckle before the robots take over. Cheers.