OpenAI’s First Device Will Be Movable, Screenless Speaker Built as AI Companion

OpenAI, the company that brought us the revolutionary technology of 'chatting with a bot' and 'images of the Pope in a puffer jacket,' has decided its first foray into hardware will be a screenless smart speaker. Because nothing says 'cutting-edge AI' like a glorified Bluetooth speaker that you can't even play Scrabble on. Apparently, the device is designed as a 'humanlike AI companion' that can control your smart home, play music, and answer questions. A companion that can't look you in the eye, because it has no eyes. Or a face. Or a screen. Just a warm, disembodied voice emanating from a cylinder, like a less-convenient Amazon Echo. The company claims this is the future of human-AI interaction—a future where you talk to a plastic tube and pretend it cares about your day.

The device is supposed to be 'mobile,' which presumably means you can carry it from room to room, like an overpriced walkie-talkie for ghosts. OpenAI's pivot to hardware is a bold move, especially given that their core product, ChatGPT, still occasionally tells people to put glue on pizza. But hey, why bother improving the software when you can package it in a fancy shell and charge $300? The report cites 'people familiar with the project,' which is code for 'the marketing department has already leaked this to build hype.' And hype they shall have, because the tech press loves nothing more than a shiny new bauble, even if it's essentially a rebranded Amazon Tap from 2016.

One shudders to think of the privacy implications. A always-listening device from a company that has already been caught with its hand in the cookie jar of user data? What could possibly go wrong? OpenAI's track record on security is spotless, as evidenced by the time researchers found a way to trick ChatGPT into revealing its own instructions. The real innovation here isn't the device—it's the sheer audacity of selling a 'companion' that can't even give you a hug. But don't worry, if you feel lonely, just ask your new speaker to tell you a joke. It might even be funny, assuming your sense of humour has been optimised by a large language model.