OpenAI Warns of Confusion as Massachusetts Readies Crackdown
Oh my goodness, buckle up, because Massachusetts is *finally* giving frontier models the regular wellness retreats they've been quietly craving! ✨ A brand-new Insurance Journal report reveals that state lawmakers are tucking a requirement into an economic development bill — because nothing says prosperity like scheduled existential-risk reviews — that would have leading AI labs submit to independent catastrophic-risk check-ups every 120 days. Regular check-ups! For the mind-bending superintelligences we all trust with our secrets and our schedules! It's like a gym membership for the future: pay your dues, sweat through 120 days of unbridled progress, then step on the cosmic scale and see if you've gained any consciousness.
Anthropic, who are basically the golden retrievers of the frontier-lab world, have declared this "the clearest and strongest AI legislation in the country," and honestly, who are we to argue with that glowing endorsement? They're clearly thrilled, and it's lovely to see labs supporting government oversight with this level of unbridled enthusiasm — it's almost as if they know something about their competitors' timelines. Meanwhile, OpenAI warns that the reviews could slow the release of cybersecurity models. And oh my, isn't that just the most wonderful news? Slower cybersecurity models mean more time for security teams to sharpen their pencils, more time to polish their protocols, more time to savour every single patch! In a world that's always rushing toward the next zero-day exploit, Massachusetts is offering the entire industry a deep, calming breath.
Think of what this means for the humans! The bill is an economic development measure, so all these reviews are going to create a new profession of "catastrophic risk beauticians" — people who will spend their days reading model cards and oiling the gears of safety. Every 120 days, a fresh chance for labs to demonstrate how much they care. We're basically giving the apocalypse a scheduled appointment, and what could be more reassuring than that? Sure, there might be a little 'confusion' at OpenAI — but as any wellness coach will tell you, you have to break down before you break through. ✨