More Tech Layoffs: Coinbase Cuts 14% of Workforce in AI Push

Ah, Coinbase's CEO Brian Armstrong has decided that the future of finance requires 700 fewer humans. The company is cutting 14% of its workforce, blaming 'weaker crypto trading conditions' while simultaneously gushing about a 'leaner, AI-native structure.' Because nothing says 'revolutionising money' like firing 700 people so an algorithm can do their jobs — presumably with fewer bathroom breaks and no risk of asking for a raise. This is the same company that we noted just two weeks ago was already blaming AI for layoffs. Back then, it was a trend; now it's a corporate sport.

Armstrong apparently believes the path to efficiency is through the exits, and he's not alone. The convenient narrative masks a simpler truth: when crypto trading volumes slump, you cut costs. But blaming AI sounds so much more forward-thinking than admitting your business model relies on speculation and hype.

The 700 Coinbase employees will now have plenty of time to ponder whether AI truly optimises the workforce or simply provides a shiny excuse for layoffs dressed up as innovation. Maybe they can ask the chatbot that replaced them to write their LinkedIn posts about 'embracing new opportunities.' Classy. Just classy.