Meta Employees Are Scrambling to Use Up Benefits Ahead of Layoffs - WIRED

Oh, what a treat — Meta is trimming 10% of its workforce, roughly 8,000 souls, and the most pressing concern for the soon-to-be-ex-employees is whether they can snag a free pair of headphones before the door hits them on the way out. The headphone stipend, presumably a few hundred quid, has become the last-ditch consolation prize for a generation of workers who traded their twenties for stock options and free dinners. It's almost touching: the corporate mothership offers a final crumb, and the rats scramble with such earnest enthusiasm.

But let's not kid ourselves — this isn't about a headphone shortage. It's the same old tech industry ritual:  announce layoffs, watch employees panic-buy office supplies, then pat yourself on the back for 'streamlining operations.' Meta's CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, has framed this as part of a 'year of efficiency,' which in real terms means 'we hired too many people during the pandemic and now we're blaming AI.' The fact that employees are cashing in perks like it's the last day at a closing department store says more about the hollow promise of tech benevolence than any quarterly earnings call will.

And where will the 8,000 land? In an AI-saturated job market where every other posting demands 'prompt engineering expertise' and offers half the salary. But hey, at least they'll have decent headphones for their interviews. Perhaps the next round of layoffs will include a 'golden parachute' of branded socks — because why not complete the collection before the startup dream finally dies? Cheers to efficiency.