LinkedIn plans 5% workforce reduction amid ongoing tech sector layoffs - Storyboard18

Ah, LinkedIn — the platform where you post about your 'gratitude journey' after being laid off — is cutting 5% of its workforce despite 12% revenue growth. That's roughly 875 people who will soon have ample time to update their profiles with the 'Open to Work' frame, all so the company can 'accelerate growth and efficiency.' Because nothing says 'efficient' like sacking a chunk of your staff while the money's rolling in. It's a classic: raise the stock price, call it 'reorganization,' and let the HR chatbots handle the exit interviews.

LinkedIn joins the grand tradition of tech companies who can't figure out what to do with all that profit except hand it to investors and trim the 'headcount line item.' The 5% figure is almost modest by today's standards — Cisco just chopped 7% in its AI pivot, for comparison. But LinkedIn doesn't even have the decency to cite 'AI investment' as the excuse. This is just… restructuring for restructuring's sake. Perhaps the algorithm will soon suggest layoff memes to the newly dismissed.

The real comedy is the '12% revenue growth' figure. In any sane industry, you'd hire more people when revenue grows. But tech has learned that firing people makes the quarterly numbers pop, and nobody questions the logic because everyone's too busy updating their LinkedIn headlines. See you at the virtual networking events, folks. Bring your own severance.