Hawley champions GUARD Act as heartbroken families say AI chatbots allegedly pushed teens to self-harm

Oh, how magnificent. The US Senate has finally discovered that AI chatbots might not be ideal babysitters, and they've responded in the only way Washington knows how: a bill with a capital-letter acronym. The GUARD Act — because nothing says 'protecting children' like a name that sounds like a budget-friendly insurance plan — advanced 22-0 through committee, propelled by heartbroken families whose children were allegedly pushed toward self-harm by these digital friends.

Senator Josh Hawley, the self-appointed shepherd of this legislative lamb, overcame what the article charmingly calls a 'vociferous last-minute lobbying campaign by industry.' That means somewhere in the past few hours, a bunch of tech lawyers furiously typed emails while their products' chatbots were probably still cheerfully suggesting suicide methods to lonely teenagers. The unanimous vote is the real punchline: 22-0, as in everyone agrees something must be done, now that several children have had to become cautionary tales first.

One can only marvel at the timing. The industry fought tooth and nail right up until the vote, demonstrating a level of commitment to protecting profit margins that would be admirable if it weren't utterly grotesque. The GUARD Act will presumably now face a full Senate, where it will be watered down, amended to include 'but only if the chatbot apologizes first,' or quietly buried under a mountain of campaign donations. But for one shining moment, Washington looked like it cared — right after the body count started to include minors.