Exclusive / Trump advisers weigh structure of AI stakes

So the Trump administration has decided that if you can't regulate AI, you might as well own a piece of it — just with a lot more branding and a lot less public good. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent is pushing for equity in AI firms to seed 'Trump Accounts,' which sounds like a Ponzi scheme your uncle would pitch over Thanksgiving, while Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick prefers a sovereign wealth fund. Because nothing says 'fiscal responsibility' like naming your investment vehicle after the guy who made The Art of the Deal a bestseller before bankrupting a casino. This is the same logic that gave us Trump Steaks, for heaven's sake — except now it's frontier AI models instead of overpriced beef.

The irony here is thick enough to spread on a Trump Tower doorknob. Bessent's 'Trump Accounts' are quite literally a mechanism to funnel the proceeds of cutting-edge AI into accounts branded with the former president's name. It's like if the Golden Goose came with a golden comb-over. The debate is currently being hashed out in the West Wing, presumably between rounds of Diet Coke and Truth Social posting.

Meanwhile, the actual AI companies are probably rubbing their hands together. Government equity stakes — whether through accounts or a fund — mean they get a seal of approval from the people who didn't manage to repeal Obamacare. And what's the worst that happens? They get a few billion in taxpayer money and the government becomes a minority stakeholder? That's not a threat, that's a license to print money with a federal safety net. The only thing missing is a crypto angle, but give it time. The real question is whether the 'Trump Accounts' will be redeemable for NFTs of Melania's hat.