Exclusive: Google DeepMind's Demis Hassabis calls for U.S.-led global AI watchdog

So Demis Hassabis, the man running Google DeepMind — the same lab that's been pushing the frontiers of AI faster than a coked-up greyhound — has published a manifesto calling for a U.S.-led global AI watchdog. Because nothing says 'trust us to slow down' like the CEO of the company that's been accelerating the hardest. His proposal, unveiled Tuesday, would give this new body the power to screen the world's most advanced models and coordinate an industry-wide slowdown if dangers mount. Presumably, the watchdog would be staffed by the very people who've been cheerfully ignoring every ethical boundary since GPT-3 rolled out.

Let's be honest: this is a masterpiece of regulatory theatre. Hassabis is essentially asking the U.S. government to create a committee that will — what, exactly? Peer at OpenAI's latest model and say 'tut tut' before Google DeepMind deploys something slightly more powerful the next week? The manifesto is silent on enforcement mechanisms, funding, or how to stop a company like, say, Google from simply ignoring the slowdown. It's like asking the fox to design the henhouse security system, then charging the fox for the consultation.

The beautiful irony is that this comes from a company that has repeatedly fought against any binding regulation, preferring 'responsible self-governance' — which has worked out so well. Meanwhile, the models keep getting bigger, the safety researchers keep quitting, and the public keeps being told 'trust us.' A global watchdog sounds lovely on paper. In practice, it's a PR exercise designed to preempt actual regulation. Have a pint, Demis — you've earned it.