Eric Trump Is Building An Army Of Humanoid Robot Soldiers

Oh, brilliant — Eric Trump, the family's master of the casino bankruptcy and the charitable foundation shambles, is now diversifying into robot soldiers. Because what the world desperately needs is a private army of humanoid machines built by a man whose most notable achievement is being born to the right father. WIRED reports that his startup is developing these tin soldiers, and one can only imagine the pitch meeting: 'Dad, hear me out — we make Terminators, but they vote Republican.' The nepotism is almost touching, except these aren't meandering interns; they're autonomous weapons platforms with none of the charm of a bankruptcy filing.

Naturally, there's no mention of safety protocols, ethical guidelines, or any of that tedious regulatory nonsense. Why would there be? This is the same family that treated the Emoluments Clause as a suggestion. The robots are being built for military applications, because of course they are. Nothing says 'small government' like a privately owned fleet of unstoppable bipedal killbots. The Pentagon must be thrilled — now they can buy their war machines from a Trump-branded company, complete with gold-plated joints and a marketing slogan like 'Make Battlefields Great Again.'

And let's not forget the irony: the same people who scream about government overreach are quietly funding a private military robot army that will operate with zero oversight. What could possibly go wrong? The only comfort is that Eric Trump is involved, so the robots will probably malfunction, file for bankruptcy, or get sued for fraud within eighteen months. Until then, we get to watch the slowest, most litigious apocalypse ever. Cheers.